Comic Book A Day – Day 7 – Ultimate Comics New Ultimates # 1 (2010)

Ultimate Comics New Ultimates 1

Thor”s quadruple nipple sense tingling again can only mean 1 thing…danger!

So I”m really digging both Marvel”s Digital Comics Unlimited service as well as The Ultimate Universe line.  I”ve read the entire Ultimate Fantastic Four series and have moved on to some of the mini-series and am now reading Ultimate Comics New Ultimates.

Marvel Ultimates

Hawkeyes and Panthers and Tigers…oh my!

OK, so first off let”s look past the title “Ultimate Comics New Ultimates” which is basically The Ruth”s Chris Steak House of comics.  So these are The Ultimates, except that they”re actually not the original Ultimates from The Ultimate line at Marvel, they are New Ultimates from the new Ultimate line at Marvel which is now called “Ultimate Comics”?  Got it!  I think…

Captain America

The super soldier serum gave Captain America jet power between his thighs!

These “New Ultimates” seem to include Hawkeye (from Mash), Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, Valkyrie, Ka-Zar and his girlfriend and Black Panther.  The language is intense, the punches are never pulled and this first issue of what I think is the casino 4th Ultimates series (although it is most certainly the New Ultimates from The new Ultimate Comics line and not the old Ultimates from the Ultimate Line at Marvel) kicks major ass (or Asth as Drew Barrymore would thay).


I really enjoyed the tone and the ballsiness of the writing.  Plus with The Ultimate comics line at Marvel where established heros have died and gone rogue, there”s always the possibility of something colossally important possibly happening with every new panel.

For great story, great suspense and great character development, I give Ultimate Comics New Ultimates a new Ultimate penultimate rating of 5 out of 6 Aarons!






Super Swag – Fantastic Four Ceiling Fan Blades!

Fantastic Four ceiling fan blades

Fan-Tastic Four!

I don’t have a ceiling fan, but I’m thinking about just stapling these to my ceiling and pretending!  For $61 on Ebay these incredibly angry super heros can adorn your ceiling fan making it 12.5 times cooler!



Tweets From Henchmen – Kneel Before Zod


How many times do I have to “kneel before Zod” until I get a promotion?!?  My jaw hurts!Kneel before Zod

Comic Book A Day – Day 6 – Ultimate Fantastic Four # 1 (2000)

Ultimate Fantastic Four 1 Review

The Fantastic Fou…crap Richards move your freaking face!

For today’s Comic Book A Day review, I’m going rogue and not reviewing a comic from my beloved comic book dresser (if you remove all the comics there’s a doorway to Narnia in the back).

Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited

Just make all new digital comics .99 already! Come on!!!!

No, I’m checking out The Ultimate Fantastic Four #1 from my Marvel Digital Subscription, son.


I really wanted to hate the Ultimate Universe.  So you’re going to restart all these amazing characters and update them for younger people?  Sounds like a marketing gimmick to me!  Well it was, but it was done masterfully!


Ultimate Spider-man #1

Ultimate Football-Head Man!!!

These stories are top notch and because these characters have nothing to do with the established Marvel universe which had like 60+ years of continuity to it, the writers had unlimited (or Ultimate!) creative control to remake and reintroduce these characters and their origins as they saw fit.

Ultimate Thing

That is the last time I eat Ultimate Taco Bell!

Ultimate Fantastic Four was the last of the major Marvel Ultimate Properties to be introduced.  And let me tell you what, it was pretty awesome!

Yes, these are basically the same Fantastic Four characters you know, but everything else is thrown out the window and re-imagined.

Also, they’re like 16 or 18 or 14 or 12.  I couldn’t really tell.  Sometimes they’re drawn like older teens and even people in their early 20’s and sometimes they’re drawn as if they pre-pubescent.  This continues throughout the entire series (which I devoured in about 3 days online).  Maybe it’s one of their super powers to continually go through and then revert back through puberty?

Ultimate Reed Richards

Even though he’s the smartest guy in the world, Reed Richards still thinks he needs a pen to use a computer.

Reed Richards is still super smart, but this Reed Richards is also super insecure because of a super-dick of a dad who doesn’t appreciate his son’s habit of turning his electronics into advanced robotics.

Ultimate Sue and Johnny Storm

Talk about Fire Balls!

There are 3 main Storms in this book.  Johnny is the hot head kid, Sue is the genius level biologist, but their Dad is also in the picture.  Dr. Storm is the head of The Baxter Building where genius level kids from around the world come to become even bigger geniuses (geni?).  That’s how Reed gets introduced to Sue and Johnny.  Ben Grimm goes to school with Reed and is always sticking up for the little nerd bucket.

All in all Ultimate Fantastic Four as an individual issue is pretty damn good, but the entire series and the mini-series which follow are pretty damn awesome!


I give Ultimate Fantastic Four #1 Five out of 6 Aarons (6 is reserved for comics which freaking blow my mind).  It’s a must read (if you know how to read, and if you don’t, don’t feel bad because you won’t ever read this review)

Aaron Haber Comic Book A dayAaron Haber Comic Book A dayAaron Haber Comic Book A dayAaron Haber Comic Book A dayAaron Haber Comic Book A day

Until The Thing becomes The Thong,

I am,

Aaron Haber

Super Swag – Marvel Tattoo Sleeves!


Arm yourself with the power cosmic!

Head on over to to get these removable Silver Surfer Tattoo sleeves!  Sure they’re not as cool as permanent Silver Surfer full arm tattoos, but won’t you feel amazing when you can take them off and have the power to get a job!


Tweets From Henchmen – Red Skull

Tweets From Henchmen Starting to feel like working for the Red Skull contradicts my strong Jewish religious beliefs…

Red Skull

Super Swag – Wonder Woman Apron

Wonder Woman Apron

Hey Woman! I wonder where my dinners at…get a move on!

Nothing says “Woman’s Lib” like an apron in the style of Wonder Woman’s costume!  While the little lady is frying up some bacon for her man, she can put on some bracelets and pretend the spattering grease is actually a bunch of bullets!


Head on over to Etsy seller ModernVintageDesigns today to make your kept woman wonder how she got so lucky to land such an amazing man!



Tweets from Henchmen – Sandman

Tweets From HenchmenThey should call this guy “Sand-In-My-Crack-Man”!  It’s going to take the longest shower in the world to make me feel clean again.


Tweets From Henchmen – The Other Boomerang

Tweets From Henchmen Wait!  You’re not even the dude who fights the Flash?!?  Crap!



Super Swag – Batman And Robin Pocket Watch!

Batman and Robin

Same Bat-Time, Same Bat-errr Time!

Etsy seller martonmere  is selling this snazzy vintage Batman and Robin pocket watch for $75. But be careful, she’s (I just assume everyone on is a woman) also selling erotic pocket watches and if she mixes up your order you might just end up the victim of one of Joker’s notorious boners!