Comic Book A Day – Day 1 – X-Men #1 (1991)

X-men #1 from 1991

I Magneto, Master Of Magnetism, am sucking all of the coinage out of your teenage comic book collecting bank account! Muhuhuhahah!

OK, so for my first ever Comic Book review (outside of shooting the shit with my geek friends), I’ve chosen X-men #1.

No, I don’t have a gazillion dollar copy of the original X-men from 1963, what I do have is over 100 copies of this 1991 “Holy crap you better collect the hell out of this otherwise you’ll die a pauper” doozie of a comic.

All the covers!

If you put all these collectable covers together they ruin the comic book industry.

These were a buck-fifty a pop and I think I bought like 112 of them.  Adjusted for inflation and my then 16 year old wallet, it equaled about 1million dollars.

See, this was supposed to be the biggest comic book event since Krona stuck his hand through a black hole and gave a reach around to the space-time continuum.

Baby-Gangsta

I eat comic books for breakfast! Seriously…I’ve done that.

Instead they are the comic books that I allow my 16 month old daughter to destroy as an offering to the Toddler gods to leave the rest of my actually beloved comic books alone.

What I found reading this comic an “I can’t freaking believe I’m this old” 21 years later is a cacophony of every X-men character who ever existed ever.  It was like trying to follow A Game Of Thrones novel there were so many characters, but unlike Game of Thrones, I actually didn’t enjoy the story all that much.

I was actually doing the same thing the entire time I was reading this comic!

So the comic starts with Magneto all like, “Leave me alone!” and these mutants are all like “We stole a space shuttle and killed a couple of flat scans to visit you in space” and Magnetos all like “Whatever, you can hang, but I’m not evil anymore.” and then 58 or so X-men are all like “Shit!  Magneto’s back and might be evil again so let’s overreact and punch him in the face, except you Colossus, you’re made of metal so stay home and play Neo-Geo” (or whatever we were playing in 1991).

Blah de blah blah and like 700 pages later, I was bored and found myself wishing I was still 16 and had some trig homework to finish.

My mutant ability is to make people with dust allergies sneeze.

Also, I don’t know if the Penciler (Jim Lee, who is now Co-Editor over at DC) is to blame for this or if someone else along the production line is, but each and every face in the comic has these weird pencil lines on them which I guess is supposed to give them definition, but it really just makes all the X-men look like Pig Pen from The Peanuts.

So basically, I’m stuck with 6 billion of these boring comics, but of course I won’t throw em out, because the 16 year old comic book collector in me knows that someday, somehow, these industry crushing, over-hyped craptacular comics will be a super collector’s item!

Comedian, Actor, Husband and Dad…this. is. Aaron Haber!

Stay thirsty my friends (or if you’d prefer to drink something you’d probably feel better),

Aaron Haber
Editor-In-Chief
EvilNewsDaily.com
@aaronhaber
Aaron@theworldnyc.com